Have you ever experienced a trigger that has set off an unexpected set of emotions? This week I’ve been working in my Singapore office and I’ve loved every moment of it as I can so easily slot back into my corporate lifestyle of business suits, meetings and office discussions.
I was busily organising myself for my next
NLP certification in Bali and opened my favourite, black, Chinese style DVD cabinet when I saw my girls’ little blue pencil case in the bottom right hand corner. I used to keep this pencil case specifically for my girls’ homework, to avoid the excuse “I can’t find a pencil to do my homework.” I picked up the pencil case and immediately experienced a choking feeling in my throat as my eyes started watering. I was sad that my girls were no longer at their ‘old’ school.
I’ve experienced a week of confusing emotions. On the one hand I want to live out my dream of living, building our own place and running high powered executive and personal development retreats in Bali. On the other hand I’m happy to be back in the busy, consumer driven urban lifestyle. Although I grew up in the green mountains and countryside of Wales, maybe the 20 years of my corporate career in London, Hong Kong and Singapore have made me addicted to the fast paced and busy, stressful lifestyle that comes with urban living.
I am confused and yet I know that this confusion is good for me. It allows me to figure out who I want to be. I want to spend time in the countryside of Bali writing, reflecting and running retreats. I also want to spend time in the fast pace of urban living.
My confusion is allowing me to understand that I can choose to do both. Rather than treat confusion as a frustration, treat it as a gift. Confusion allows us to ask questions and within these questions lie the answers to understanding.
Janet - so true - being open to, and accepting of, confusion means we can make choices which lead to understanding and clarity. What makes us think that we have to have one without the other? It sounds like you have opened your heart to all that you love and have found the ideal balance. You are an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI remember when I went on an amazing course called 'The Journey' several years ago - I was so confused about the multitude of choices I needed to make in order to move forward in my life. I kept thinking that if I went in one direction I would lose everything else that was important to me. Through guided meditation and the sharing of my deepest fears during this course the answer came to me suddenly - and everything then seemed so obvious! It was if a giant dark cloud had been lifted and I could breathe again. We don't know what true clarity is until we experience confusion.