Friends Forever

Last week, I ran two motivational seminars for lower and upper sixth form students, aged between 16-18 years old at Dyatmika School in Bali.  The theme was 'Believe in Yourself.' 

As part of the seminar, I asked the students to work in pairs and talk about the 3 most important things in their life at that particular time. Out of the 70+ students, many talked aboout their family and nearly all mentioned their friends. This is not unusual for teenagers as peers are an important part of growing up. When I asked what was important about their friends, the overriding response was that they helped motivate them.

Initially, I very matter of factly thought what's the big deal about friends, when these students have more important things to do like get through their exams? Then I thought again and had to agree with them. As I discover with all of the seminars and workshops I run, there is always something for me to learn or remind myself of, no matter what age or who the audience is.

Friends can motivate us. 

They listen to and support us; they make us smile, laugh and sometimes cry - hopefully and usually through more laughter than the other way round; they advise us when we need help and they can lift us up and rekindle our spirit. Sometimes we can upset our friends or vice versa and if we are friends forever we can forgive, forget and still be there for one another.

After the unexpected and sad passing away of a mutual friend, one of my long-standing friends said to me,

“Let’s make a point of keeping in touch.”

The words have remained imprinted in my mind ever since. So often we get so caught up in the 'busyness' of life, we tell ourselves, "we'll get in touch tomorrow." What happens if it never comes? 

My friend and I now make sure we keep in contact and see each other whenever I make it to London.  Even when I gave her just one day’s notice that I was going to be in London and my friend had a big work project to finalise, she made the time to see me and buy me lunch as well! We only had an hour together so we had to talk as though we were on fast forward, but it was one of the best hours that I will always remember.  

Beach House at Life in Amed

Friends have met me at the airport when there's no time to catch up anywhere else; they have cheered me up face to face or if that's not possible by sending me a message; they have invited me to their house, whether to drop in for a coffee, have dinner or stay with them overnight and even if it's their own Beach House right on the golden sand beach and they're losing out on potential business; they have met for a coffee or lunch; they have let me reminsce by sending an old school photo sparking off a whole new conversation with old friends; and they have told me to, "keep spirit" in my pursuit to stay fit.

Coincidentally. a couple of days after the seminar, I was further reminded about the importance of friends when I was given a book called 'The Little Snowflake' from a friend who had just written it, Ron Stones. My 7 year old loved the book and straight away worked out the moral of the tale.  Similar to a snowflake, a friend may not come back soon, but will return whenever possible.
 
I like Winnie the Pooh's heartwarming comment to Piglet about friendship:-

"We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?" asked Piglet

"Even longer," Pooh answered

A.A. Milne

Many thanks to the sixth form students for reminding me to value friends forever and even longer.


Janet 
www.nolimitsasia.com

The Rocking Chair Test

For five months, I prepared to take part in something that I had never done before.  Rather than having to or needing to achieve this goal, I was more curious whether I was physically capable.

I took part in my first marathon, the Standard Chartered Race in Singapore. Not sure whether I could achieve this task on my own, my work colleague who is a veteran runner arranged for four other team members, herself and myself to run 7 km each to make up the full marathon of 42 km. While preparing, I soon realised that I would have to overcome my mental limitations which were proving to be more of a battle than my physical capabilities. I wanted to know what strategies marathon runners used to keep motivated because I was suffering from boredom and restlessness practising on the treadmill. My self talk was telling me that it would be a miracle if I could run 2km let alone 7km on the day and I was starting to go down that familiar path of lacking self belief. The following comments from friends who have run marathons gave me the motivation and belief to go for it:-

 1."Well I've only been a runner for a few years - I never find it boring so long as I have a target, so that's what the races are for. But also it helps me to blow away any stress from work, life etc who knows how long I will be able to run for given the late start but at least I'll be able to sit in my little old lady rocking chair one day and look at my finisher medals knowing that I did something I never in my life thought I would do."

2. "Run outside for variety and break down the final distance into smaller chunks."

3. "Maybe you could just think back to all those rheumatoid arthritis (RA) doctors who told you that you would be in a wheelchair by now, and do the run for them!!"

So I followed these tips and they all worked for me. As soon as I mentioned to other gym goers that I was taking part in a marathon, I was amazed how everybody helped me overcome my mental obstacles in some way, whether they were tactical tips or simply congratulating me for signing up. My aerobics instructor encouraged me to run on the treadmill after a full hour's highly energetic workout! Even though I was bright red and dripping in sweat, I was spurred on to push the boundaries and run a further 3km. 

One gym goer volunteered to run outside on the Bali roads with me to help me prepare for the big run. If I could overcome the pot-holes, yapping dogs, motorbike and vehicle obstacles on these roads, then surely I could run in Singapore.  A whole new world of preparing for a target that was outside my experience opened up to me. 

My sense of euphoria, however, was abruptly flattened when I went to see a RA specialist in Singapore two days before my run. My achievement of having been drug free for two and a half years was ignored because I had not been taking the usual heavy drugs that are prescribed for RA 'sufferers' and was therefore somehow in the wrong. Deflated by yet another specialist who didn't want to listen to what I wanted (I went for an allergy test which he refused to do for me), ironically I ran the race with added determination.  I enjoyed the first 7km so much, I was prompted by my colleague to show those doctors that I could run another 7km and I did!

Janet and somne of the Nolimits running team

Now I have the satisfaction of knowing that one day as part of my own rocking chair test, I have achieved one of my goals and I can go on achieving it . I learned some important life lessons en route: set a target, break down into smaller, achievable chunks, ask others for advice and mix with some added determination of why you want to do it.

What do you dream of doing and what can you start to do to ensure you pass your own rocking chair test? 

After all......


"If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."
--Mercedes Lackey

Good luck with being who you want to be and Happy New Year.

Janet
www.nolimitsasia.com

Mittens the Kitten

This is to pay tribute to a little, black kitten that came into our garden and our lives temporarily. She was a cute ball of fluff who was undernourished but had a perky face and bright, mischievous eyes.

I wasn't sure whether to keep her as we already had a menagerie of two Bali dogs, a rescued Bali cat and two water turtles.  My 7 year old daughter persuaded me otherwise, saying that the only pets she had were the turtles who don't talk to you, nor do much and that the other pets were chosen by her older sisters so they weren't hers.

I was easily persuaded by the pleadingly 'take me, I'm all yours' look from the kitten. When my daughter named her Mittens, my response was "That's a lovely name for a kitten, are you sure it will sound good when she's a cat?"  My daughter insisted that it was the best name for her so we went with it.

Mittens gulped down her food with amazing speed and I had to deal with the inevitable prompt liquid explosion that ejected out of her body....... usually over the bed clothes and floor, which did make me wonder what I had taken on.  Nevertheless, she quickly learned about the litter tray and became more and more curious.

Alas, her curiosity did get the better of her when she escaped the house (after having a very happy time playing in my daughters' bedrooms). Unfortunately, our two Bali dogs took on their natural hunter instinct and killed poor little Mittens. I knew something was up when I went outside to investigate why our older cat was swearing. I was met by a strange silence in the darkness of the evening and the dogs were panting heavily. I couldn't see what had happened but sensed something near the bougainvillea tree. When I approached, I saw a tiny, black shadow - it was Mittens and she was already dead.

In spite of growing up as a butcher's daughter, the shock and denial of seeing this poor, little defenseless body made me freeze motionless.  Although I wished this would have never happened to me, I had to deal with Mittens' dead body, as there was nobody else around to delegate this task to. When my daughters discovered what had happened, I also had to deal with all the tears, denial and disbelief, trying to be brave for my children when I was crying too.  Was this another 'living in Bali' life lesson ? When discussing this sad tale with friends, it seems like I'm not alone in this experience and somehow we move on. This too is the case with other situations that we wish would have never happened to us.

Coincidentally, my husband happened to discuss with me a few days before, that it's ok to be melancholic.  All the hype on positive thinking tends to dispel us from ever feeling sad and to always look on the bright side.  My daughters and I did grieve little Mittens even though she only came into our life for a few days.  In this short time, she brought us happiness, laughter, disbelief and pain which we subsequently reconciled into her going to a good place in the little spot where we buried her under the bougainvillea tree. My 7 year old wrote the following letter to her:-

Dear Mittens,

I hope you are having fun in heaven but I am not so happy now but I do have you in my heart.

I only got a few days with you but I still love you. Love to Mittens.

From Emy xxx

Experiencing sadness, pain and tears is part of life's journey. As Victor Hugo in Les Miserables said:-

"Those who do not weep, do not see."

It's ok to weep, as this is what takes us to a different place of learning, understanding and appreciation, no matter what age or stage we are in life.

Janet

Slow Steps Are Better than Standing Still

Have you ever a feeling of “when will I ever move forward?”

Of late, I’ve been going through a lot of changes which have made me wonder. My two younger daughters started a new school and my 13 year old daughter has just gone to boarding school in England, I’ve moved from a fully furnished to an unfurnished house and I’ve had to do lots of time-consuming, practical tasks such as re-buying all the domestic items of life from knives to wardrobes and everything in between. None of which particularly excites me.

Then there’s the other challenge of getting used to my new home environment.

Two nearby roosters with messed up mental clocks compete against one another over who has the loudest crow.  They start any time from midnight until 6am and very often are still at it throughout the day.

The cat has a new frequent deep, loud meow, almost a wail; as if to say ‘where I am and what am I doing here?’ and our two Bali dogs have an infestation of ticks. Having never dealt with ticks on such a large scale, I’ve been fastidiously plucking out the sucking tentacles of the white bulbous ticks with tweezers. 
Being over-zealous when I scrubbed the dogs down with medicated shampoo, I decided to leave it on them. Shortly afterwards, I heard a snarling scuffle and my children screaming, “Mummy, mummy come quickly the dogs are killing each other.”  They were fighting and biting at each other in a crazed frenzy of shampoo and blood.

Us? Fight? We're innocent, honest!

Taking quick action, I grabbed a hose pipe like a fireman about to extinguish a blazing inferno. The children and I chased the biting dogs around the garden, adding to the noise and commotion. There was carnage, mud and blood everywhere. The green lawn turned a swampy, red/brown colour and left over steamers of toilet roll used to wrap the dead ticks and flush down the toilet were strewn all over the garden. Finally, looking like we had re-enacted the battle of The Somme, we all subsided into a sweating collapsed heap, all of us panting heavily from our exertions.

It’s the unexpected challenges that can often get in our way and make us wonder if we’ll ever move on and at times like this I like to remind myself of a Chinese proverb which a participant shared with me on one of my company’s leadership development programmes:

"It's ok to be slow, as long as you are not standing still."

Rember to enjoy the journey, by definition with life it is definitely about the journey, not the destination.
Janet

Too Small to Make an Impact?

I have news for you, small can have an impact. 

I discovered this when I mistakenly took my 13 year old daughter’s white jeans to change into after my workout at the gym

How did I do this? It all started out when I found my own white jeans in my daughter’s wardrobe and somehow I picked up her jeans rather than mine.  I always had my eye on my daughter’s  jeans because they had two beautifully coloured rainbow designs on the back pocket and were flared at the bottom. I wished I could fit into them but when I secretly tried them on six months previously, I couldn’t get them past my hips, let alone around my waist! 

The sheer panic that hit me when I saw the colourful pockets in the gym changing room was like being caught in public with no clothes on. What was I going to do without something as vital as trousers? 

I had no time to return home because I was going straight out for dinner with my family and the thought of wearing my sweaty, smelly toxic gym shorts was a bit too much.  No amount of stretching was going to convert my little red top into a dress. I had to get the jeans to fit. I took such a deep breath to hold my stomach in I nearly passed out. I couldn’t grunt or strain because I didn’t want the woman who stood next to me to know what I had done. I became hopeful when I heaved up the jeans beyond my hips but the popper refused to pop and my bulging stomach exploded over the top of the jeans like a waterfall and kept on undoing the zip. I had no alternative but to swallow my pride and ask the woman to help me pop the button.

Although, initially a little taken aback by my unusual request the woman gave a huge tug at the trousers and popped the button. I thanked the helpful woman profusely and hoping that she would be a holidaymaker, so I wouldn’t have to see her again, I asked, “how long have you been in Bali?” She replied, “14 years.” With not much hope of keeping this one quiet, I decided to look on the bright side. After six months of taking small steps at the gym, I could finally wear my daughter’s jeans, even if it was a bit of a squeeze!

I strutted out of the changing rooms looking like John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever. My too long jeans made a whooshing noise as they swept the floor. 

As I strode past the Club café, one of the Balinese waiters grinned his brilliant white teeth at me, promptly followed by a ‘hi-5’. Surprised by this action, I wasn’t sure whether the ‘hi-5’ was because he heard my distress or the impact of my jeans. I chose the latter interpretation.

As Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop said, "If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito." 

We can so easily use ‘small’ as an excuse to not do things, whether we use it as a reason to say why bother, we feel we’re not making enough progress or we’re not significant enough to make an impact. Think again and realise that small is never too small.

Enjoy making an impact!

Janet