Stuck in the Mud

Have you ever had one of those feelings where you are stuck in the mud? The faster you go and the more you try to get out of it the worse it gets?

Last night my parents, my husband and 3 children ventured back from our 3 day expedition in North Bali. We had a fantastic time. We saw breathtaking views of Bali from the central volcanic mountains, we felt the fresher, cooler air in the mountains and we drove further north to the coast of Lovina, where we went on a small fishing boat at dawn to see a group of 20 dolphins playfully skimming the waves as they dived head first into the ocean for their early morning feed. On our way back home to the West of Bali, we decided to have dinner at our local eating place at Echo Beach. A perfect end to a great weekend.  Or this is what we thought it would be.........

After dinner, we jumped in our car ready to go home. Rather than reverse out of the space, my husband decided to drive in a loop across the car park (Bali's version of a public car park by the sea is a rough piece of land covered in black volcanic sand with rocks, stones and pot holes). It had rained and was dark at this stage. There was no overhead lighting to help us see where we were going. Suddenly, we hit a big puddle of squelchy mud, much more swampy than what we had anticipated and the car refused to move. At first my husband tried to gently manoeuvre us out of the deep rut, but the wheels just kept on turning round and round. My husband pressed his foot slightly heavier on the accelerator and asked us all to rock back and fore to nudge the car forward. Goodness knows what any passer-by would have thought of us rocking back and fore like a bunch of demented lunatics. We grunted and sighed hoping that our rocking would push the car forward but all it seemed to do was rock us further into the mud!

An Indonesian security guard noticed our distress and offered to help. He took off his shoes, rolled up his trousers, beckoned each of us to get out of the car and with my Dad, tried pushing the car out of the hole, but to no avail. Frustrated, the security guard gesticulated with his hands that he should jump into the driving seat. My husband let him have a go. The security guard revved the car so hard, the engine started screaming, puffs of white smoke blasted from the exhaust into the black sky and a smell of a burning clutch hit the air. By now we were all covered in a thick, black, volcanic sand paste. I know that there are many beautiful spas in Bali where people will pay exorbitant prices for this kind of treatment, but the novelty of being in this stuck state was starting to wear thin by now.

"Stop! You'll burn out the clutch.You have to do this gently" My Dad shouted to the security guard.
The security guard clearly didn't understand English and continued to rev the car. The back wheels slipped and skidded burying the tyres deeper and deeper into the mud. Furious, my Dad opened the driver's door and gesticulated to the security guard to get out.

By this stage, we were gathering quite a crowd of on-lookers and a jeep with flashing lights appeared. It was the beach patrol guards. I thought they had arrived to help, but they got out of their jeep and went for a coffee! A Scottish man who was moving his own car volunteered to help us. He took off his shoes and helped push the car with my husband and the security guard. The harder they pushed and rocked the car, the more it seemed to stick in the mud. We could only see the top half of the back wheels. The bottom half had been engulfed by the black, volcanic sand. We were well and truly stuck.

To get out of this stuck state required a different strategy. It required doing something different and 'out of the box' thinking.
"I'm going to phone the car hire company and ask them to bring a rope to pull out the car." I suggested.
An hour later the car hire company arrived and gently pulled out our stuck car with a rope using their car. It took seconds and we were no longer stuck in the mud.

Have you ever repeatedly done more of the same thing, faster and harder to find you're getting more stuck? Rather than wedge yourself further into the mud, take the lead and think of ways in which you can find a solution. I'm going to refer to my 'stuck in the mud' story whenever I'm feeling this way!

Living Life

Have you ever experienced those moments where you are wondering what you are doing and why? You're not certain whether what you're doing is the right thing or you're just waiting for the day when you can finally do the things that you want to do?

A couple of years ago, I went out to lunch with a good friend and colleague. At the time she was talking about her retirement after having worked in the banking industry for 29 years. What struck me most was what she said about retirement: "My husband and I have dreamed of the day when we finally both retire. Now that time is here we realise that we're not as fit as we used to be, my husband can't walk far and we won't be able to do what we had planned. Don't wait to do what you want to do." 

  

By moving to Bali, I've decided not to 'wait' and do what I want to do and yet I still have my moments when I end up wondering whether I'm doing the right thing! I was in the middle of debating this very point to myself this week when I was reminded to live life, not wait until one day and enjoy every day.


A friend emailed me the following:

First I was dying to finish my high school and start college
And then I was dying to finish college and start working

Then I was dying for my children
to grow old enough
so I could go back to work
But then I was dying to retire
And now I am dying
And suddenly realised
I forgot to live


Please don't let this happen to you
Appreciate your current situation
and enjoy each day


To make money we lose our health
and then to restore our health we lose our money ......
We live as if we are never going to die,
and we die as if we never lived ......

What are you doing to live life, rather than waiting for one day? What can you do in your current situation to enjoy each day?

Being Open to Possibilities

Living in Bali never ceases to surprise me and my new motto is fast becoming 'be open to possibilities.'

Have you ever been in a situation where you quickly formed an opinion about someone or something? We naturally tend to generalise and form judgements about situations, people, countries and cultures based on our experiences and what we have learned from others. Sometimes we can be too quick to make these judgements and generalisations.

A few weeks ago I was going to a friend's place for lunch and decided to buy her a bunch of flowers. I took my driver with me to the florist to help translate. I  explained in slow and loud, broken English, gesticulating a BIG circle with my hands that:
"I want BIG bunch of flowers ........ for my friend ..... as present."
My driver who speaks marginally better English than my poor Indonesian skills, looked at me slightly confused, fell silent for a few moments and attempted to translate to the male florist. An in-depth discussion followed for the next 10 minutes.
The florist responded and my driver translated:
 "7,500 for flower."
"For each flower or BIG flowers?" I gesticulated again with my BIG circle.
Another in-depth discussion followed between my driver and the florist.
"One flower." my driver proudly translated to me in English.
I didn't know whether I wanted 14 or 25 stems to make a nice, big bunch of flowers and I certainly couldn't calculate in my head what the total would be. I decided to change tactics and ask for a bunch of flowers worth 30,000 rupiah. We all seemed to understand this and I was duly given a bunch of flowers.

The florist hid the beautiful, sweet smelling, white flowers by tightly wrapping them in newspaper, so that only the soggy green, leggy stalks were on display! I took the flowers somewhat surprised, thinking 'is this how they give presents in Bali?' I mentally made a note to myself that next time I buy flowers for friends, I will go to a different florist.



On Sunday, my family and I were going to visit another friend's house for dinner and out of desperation, I  had to go to the same florist shop. I didn't have my driver to translate and my previous experience made me expect the worst. This time a female florist helped me.
"Flowers for a friend." I asked in slow, broken English while pointing to the flowers that I liked.
"For a present" she asked. I nodded vehemently and impressed that she knew the word 'present'.

"Roses too ......... Valentine's Day?" she recommended as she showed me a bucket of roses.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This female assistant was being more than helpful.
"Yes please." I responded eagerly.
"Which colour to wrap flower?" she pointed out all sorts of colours for the ribbons.
"I'll have pink please." I replied excitedly.

Thanks to the female assistant my judgement about the florist has changed for the better. This experience has reminded me to be open to possibilities rather than make fixed judgements.

In what situations have you been too quick to make a judgement? What possibilities can you be more open to?

Not a Problem

I've learnt a new word in Indonesian this week - 'tidak apa apa' which means not a problem or as the Australians say 'no worries'. The Balinese way of life seems to be very much this way inclined, nothing is a problem. As I get used to the length of time it takes to get things done, the traffic congested roads, words lost in translation between me and the Balinese and discovering the unexpected, I'm starting to realise that it's not a problem.

Sometimes we can get so caught up with having things the way we want them to be, doing things as and when we want to, we take things for granted. As soon as things don't go the way we want them to go, we can get very upset, frustrated and stressed. We get so caught up with these seemingly 'big' problems that we forget to appreciate what we do have.

A young Balinese 20 year old man recently told me "In the West time is money. In Bali time is life."

Nothing has to be a problem, unless we let it be this way. To live life is to be in the present, rather than worrying about what happened in the past or may happen in the future, enjoy the now and know that all problems whether big or small will pass. We all have the resources to overcome any problem.

 Tidak apa apa!

Being Prepared

Yesterday, I took our 3 daughters to the Bali Immigration Department to have their fingerprints and photographs taken for their KITAS, a permit that allows them to live and study in Indonesia. Luckily I was warned by the Indonesian lady who was organising our girls' KITAS to take 'plenty of food, water and toys.' So I went prepared, armed with a picnic bag full of sandwiches, cookies, cakes and lots of water. I took a separate bag full of toys, games, cards and books to keep the children entertained.

We were asked to be at Immigration by 10am and waited until 1pm for our turn. The computer internet connection was so slow, it meant that there was a huge backlog of people who obviously hadn't prepared. They were looking bored out of their minds in a smoke filled, hot and airless room, with only one slow moving ceiling fan that looked as though it had seen better days. After having our photos taken, we proceeded to the police station. Ominously we were escorted to the department for criminals where they took our girls' finger prints once again. This time the corresponding paperwork was typed up on a typewriter, a piece of equipment that I haven't seen in years. We finally left the police station at 3pm and arrived home at 4.30pm.

All in all, it turned out to be a long day and I'm so glad that I hadn't organised anything else for this day. I'm amazed at how patient I remained through this whole painstakingly slow process. The difference that made the difference was that the children and I all went prepared. We had enough food to keep us going for another day if need be and we took enough entertainment with us to keep us amused.  Even something as simple as a game of snakes and ladders became an exciting means of entertainment as we patiently waited, having no idea when our names would get called. Thanks to preparation, my whole day with 3 active children ran smoothly and became more of an adventure rather than a tedious chore.

As Shakespeare has Henry V say "All things are ready, if our minds be so."