Prioritising and Balancing What is Important

Living in Bali gives me many unexpected surprises, which on reflection are usually quite humbling and remind me to respect what is important in life, not only for myself but for others too.  Over a period of four successive days, I experienced a 3 hour power cut when I was about to cook lunch; the next day no gas when I wanted to cook dinner; the day after that no water when it was time for my children to have a shower; and on the fourth day no internet when I had arranged a skype coaching session! I have to admit that by the fourth day, I was starting to get impatient, but I did find ways around these challenges and realised that on reflection these little things that can easily irk us are not important when it comes to the bigger picture of living life. When people say, 'One day, I'll laugh about this', why not laugh now?

What I do enjoy about living in Bali is the complete contrast of the everyday situations I deal with, compared to working in the modern world of commercialisation, technology and business. In my work, I find myself talking strategies about where organisations and their people want to be and then I return to my home in Bali I find myself talking strategies with the house staff about how to prevent snakes from entering our home. Apparently a snake was spotted slithering along the wall that is the boundary to our home. To prevent the snake from returning again, I was asked if I can make a monthly contribution to the Balinese offerings that will be placed in our home on a daily basis. The irony is that, in my world, these little square palm leaf trays containing flowers, incense, rice and small cookies will surely attract the snakes and vermin. It's like putting out a snack for these animals to feast on.  In the Balinese world, these offerings will placate the mischievous demons and express gratitude to the good spirits so that harmony in life can be maintained. To add to this, we now have an offering placed on our cooker every evening, as the cooker unexpectedly stopped working for a few moments one day. I thought it may have been to do with the loose gas connection from the gas cylinder to the cooker, while to our Balinese staff it was the sign of a demon.  I can't help but wonder if the rats and mice who pop down from the rice fields have a party every night on our cooker, but I know the offerings are important to our house staff so I respect them and willingly give my contribution to keep the spirits and demons happy.

These type of humbling situations in Bali remind me about recognising what is important in our lives. What is important to you?  Do you prioritise and balance what is important or do you let life go by without giving it much thought? Do you get caught up in the trappings of trivia, 'busyness' and nagging emotions whirling around in your head, rather than focus on what is really important?  Recently, I ran an Effective Planning and Organising workshop with a group of 25-35 year old IT Consultants. You'd think that technology offers them more than enough planning and organising tools and yet they were missing the vital ingredient that makes our planning and organising most effective. They hadn't stopped to think about what was important. They were too caught up feeling important with all the urgent stuff that they had to deal with, to the extent that they hadn't planned the most important goals in their jobs. You can have all the latest technologically advanced planners and organisers available at your disposal, but if you don't spend some time at least reflecting on what is important, how can you plan, let alone balance your priorities?

I asked this group of IT Consultants, "When you retire what will you tell your grandchildren you did?" A good question to ask yourself too. These consultants didn't have their own children so stretching them to think of grandchildren was quite a challenge for them. This question, however, turned out to be the most poignant for them. They were so caught up with dealing in the here and now, they hadn't given themselves the time to think about what were their important goals to achieve both in their work and life. They were so busy doing, they weren't being. One of the participants confessed that she had no social or family life because she put everything into her job. A job is of course important and it's equally critical to prioritise what else is important so that you can live a balanced life.

In ten years time, how will you remember this year? Will it be the number of emails you sent, the phone calls you made, the number of meetings you attended or how busy you were? Make time to plan and prioritise what is important and take the time to understand / respect what is important to others.

Management guru Stephen Covey (who is a grandfather to 52 children!), tells a story of two men chopping wood. The one man worked hard all day and took no breaks. The other chopper took several breaks during the day and had time to have a nap after lunch.  The chopper who took no breaks was disturbed to see that at the end of the day, the chopper who took breaks had cut more wood than what he had. "How did you chop more wood than me?" asked the chopper who took no breaks.  His companion said "When I took a break, I was sharpening my axe."

What are you doing to sharpen your axe? Make sure you plan what is important. As Stephen Covey says:-

"If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster."

Janet

To find out more about our NoLimits Planning and Prioritising workshops contact Sandra Lai on +65 6232 2466 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              +65 6232 2466      end_of_the_skype_highlighting or email sandralai@nolimitsasia.com

Breaking the Rules

The theme for me over the last week has been about 'Breaking the Rules.'  A note of caution here, I do not mean breaking the law, I am referring to how good it feels when we sometimes go against the rules of convention, tradition and protocol. Having returned from a week long trip in Hong Kong, where I was running two consecutive workshops and which is a favourite NoLimits programme of mine, 'Presenting for Leaders', it brought back memories and nostalgia of the days when I used to live there. There is something about the pace, buzz and sheer rudeness of the taxi drivers and some of the people in Hong Kong that I find captivating, thrilling and unconventional.  

My first reminder of the unconventional was when I jumped in a taxi to drive me to my hotel. I immediately sensed there was no time for pleasantries when I didn't get a response to my polite, 'pleased to meet you' hello. Many taxi drivers in Hong Kong do not speak English, so I was already equipped with a print out of the hotel address and its location. Using sign language, which consisted of the taxi driver grunting with a firm nod, we both knew where we stood. In no time at all we were on our way. We sped off, as if we were going to race the Formula One circuit, tyres burning, engine screeching, as I and my hand luggage were flung across the back seat of the taxi and I clung onto my seatbelt, desperately trying to fasten it. It was if we had no time to lose at all.

Although Hong Kong is Chinese in so many ways, such as the towering concrete blocks, unconventionally built in an ad-hoc fashion, with their characteristic poles hanging out washing like flags saluting the city; the seemingly rude behaviours where people push in (rules about queuing are virtually non-existent and even when there are attempted planned queues, people still push in); as well as their direct bargaining approach, where you are left wondering whether you did get a good price; it does have some 'homely' and 'conventional' characteristics for me that date back to its British colonial days. The buses, for example, are double-deckers and the fire engines look just like the British ones. It made me smile when one of the Hong Kong participants on my workshop told me that she spent her honeymoon in the main cities of Europe and particularly liked London because the double-decker buses reminded her of 'home.'

The old fashioned Hong Kong tram brought back memories of Europe, until the taxi driver decided to break tradition and beat the congested traffic jam by driving along the tram lines! It felt like being in one of those action packed, car chase movies, where we would do anything to get ahead.

The two storey colonial buildings that nestle at the feet of the ultra-modern, tall, gleaming and architecturally exquisite masterpieces against the dramatic backdrop of the tree covered mountains, demonstrate how the untraditional can mix with the traditional. The rules of keeping the 'old' with the 'old' and the 'new' with the 'new' have refreshingly been broken and can similarly be applied with the way in which we manage our work and life.


While running our NoLimits' 'Presenting for Leaders' programme, I encouraged participants to 'break the rules' of their traditional Powerpoint presentations and stand out from the crowd by using visuals with few words, pictures and no bullet points. I also encouraged them to use metaphors and stories to present their key messages with clarity, impact and confidence. Just because your boss and colleagues use a deck of 68 slides with enough data and words to sink a battle ship, doesn't mean that you have to do this too.

As the great inventor, Thomas Edison said:-

"There are no rules here, we are trying to accomplish something."

Sometimes it's good to break the rules to accomplish what we want and to help us get to our destination quicker, just like the Hong Kong taxi drivers did with me!

Janet

Find out more about 'breaking the rules' of the conventional PowerPoint presentations and how to stand out from the crowd by contacting Sandra Lai on sandralai@nolimitsasia.com

The Answer Lies in the Question

While flying back from Singapore to Bali, I was looking forward to some 'down time' and using my anonymity to not have to talk to anyone. Do you ever have those moments when you just want to veg out? (Wasn't sure if all my readers would understand what 'veg out' means - apparently it is to relax in a slothful and mindless manner and this is exactly how I would depict my feelings at this time). I wanted to see the end of the film that I started watching on the way to Singapore, so was quite happy to be on my own. My seat was at the end of a row of three and next to two Asian men. As we were waiting to take off, the more senior man in the middle seat started talking to me. As much as I wanted to switch off, after three days of meetings, training and coaching in Singapore, I couldn't be impolite and ignore him. It turned out that these two men were on their way back home to Bali. The younger one was 25 years old and had been looking for a job in telecommunications in Singapore where he could improve his English skills. His ultimate career ambition was to work in the USA. He had been working in telecommunications for four years in Bali and had only spoken Indonesian.  The challenge for him in Singapore was that he couldn't speak enough English to get a job and then be able to improve his English.

Have you ever come across the situation where you want to do something, but you don't have enough of whatever you need to be able to get what you want? I empathised with this young Balinese man. I experienced it early on in my career and since then, when I didn't have enough experience to do what I wanted to do, but how could I get experience when I didn't have enough experience in the first place?! I have met and coached many people in similar situations whether they are starting out in their careers or wanting to make a transition into something else. How do you get the experience without having the experience in the first place?  The answer lies in the question.

The older man asked me many questions such as the usual interrogation applicable to a foreigner, 'Where are you from, What do you do, Where do you live etc'.  As part of this questioning process he discovered that I work from both Bali and Singapore.  He then proceeded to ask me the direct question, "Could my friend work with you?  He can improve his English and do whatever you need him to do." As I momentarily paused to respond he added: "He can work for you for free for 3 months, so he can improve his English." The young man looked at me hopefully, his brown eyes asking for me to give him a chance, although I wasn't sure how much he understood that his friend had just committed him to working for free. Inspite of being surprised by the direct question, I admired the older man for doing what he could to help and guide the younger guy and the young man who was willing to do anything (even work for free) to improve his English. I have an enormous amount of respect and time for people who have an attitude where they will do whatever they can to learn a new skill, or do what they have to do to get where they want to get.  People like this will not let obstacles, limitations or hurdles get in their way. Knowing that I could make it possible for this young man to learn English, I was happy to hand over my business card and tell him to contact me.

The next day I received a prompt email response from the 25 year old which he had obviously written all by himself. It made me smile that he wanted to 'learn speak English on the busyness sidelines' and if I wasn't too busy he wanted to 'play while helping me at my home in Bali'!  Apparently, this is a direct translation from Indonesian which means that he would like to visit me. He apologised profusely for disturbing me and sincerely appreciated that I had shown an interest in helping him. As a result he now has an interview with my Balinese team leader to see if she can find an appropriate role for this willing individual in the team - as we have so much to do and he is offering his services for free, I am sure he will be able to help out.

In life, if you don't ask you don't get. If something is not working the way you want it to, ask yourself  'What can I do to make things work?, What do I need? How can I get it?'. What empowering questions can you ask yourself or others to get the results you are looking for? 

When asking others, throw away all concerns about making a fool of yourself. As the Chinese proverb says:-

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever."

In your work and personal life too as Jack Canfield says:-

"If you are not moving closer to what you want in sales (or in life), you probably aren't doing enough asking."

My 5 year old daughter informed me that we have one mouth and two ears, so that we do less talking and listen more. Remember to ask and listen more. The answer lies in the question.

Janet

Find out more about how to ask the right questions by attending our next Coaching for Leaders programme. Contact Sandra Lai on +65 6232 2466 or email sandralai@nolimitsasia.com

Being Mum

The last week has been an interesting one, juggling some work and mainly being Mum / Head Entertainment Organiser for my 3 daughters who had their half term week break from the Green School.  My husband happened to be in Singapore and Hong Kong (sometimes I think he feels outnumbered by us girls - even our pets are all girls), so it was up to me and my girls to entertain ourselves in Bali.

By the beginning of the week, I had already organised 2 sleep-overs and a  couple of playdates at our place and was feeling quite exhausted from the fear of children knocking themselves out by precariously swinging from the tree and divebombing into the pool and chasing themselves around the house playing tag as they slid and slipped across the wet tiles with our two Bali dogs excitedly barking and running close on the heals of the children. My biggest fear was not so much the children cutting their heads open on the slippery stone and tiles, but where on earth would I take them to in a place like Bali.  I knew my route so well to Accident and Emergency in Singapore, I could have done it blindfolded but I've heard the standard of healthcare in Bali is a far cry from Singapore, so rather than worry about something that is more likely to happen if I did think about it, I decided to turn my attention to everything turning out ok, which it fortunately did!

Being Mum, also requires for some unknown reason, dealing with the pets that the children claim to own. It was early morning, the girls had eaten their breakfast and were quietly occupying themselves. Even though I was dressed in my gym gear (including wearing my anonymous cap and sunglasses) I didn't feel like going for my usual walk/jog with the dogs so I decided to do some skipping instead. My peace was shortlived, when the two dogs who happen to be sisters started bickering at one another.  As the volume of their screeching became louder and louder, I had no choice but to intervene, trying to split the dogs apart with my skipping rope. All I could see was our black dog, Midnight, seemingly mauling our cream coloured dog - Cream- by the scruff of her neck, so much so her white fur had turned pink from blood.
My immediate reaction was to shout and scream, which only heightened the noise and created even more havoc. Hearing the din, my two Balinese house staff came running to help me out, so now I also had two people who didn't understand me as well. We reverted to sign language and then I noticed that Midnight's teeth had got caught up in Cream's metal choker collar. Cream was suffocating as Midnight tried to pull away and Midnight's mouth was full of blood from her teeth being stuck in the chain. I wanted to faint at the sight and smell of blood. In spite of being brought up as a butcher's daughter and taking pigs tails and cows eyes to school, so that all the other children would be in awe of me, I become quite pathetic at the sight and smell of blood. By now there was blood everywhere as I tried to hold the frantic dogs together and tried to think of a way to untangle them.  Strangely enough my children, had vanished from the scene of carnage.

"Pliers," I shouted to the staff trying to demonstrate that we needed to cut the collars in order to free the dogs. The wife ran off in a frenzy and quickly brought back a pair of the smallest scissors I have ever seen!

"No, no bigger," I exclaimed as I tried to demonstrate 'big' by holding out my chest, while desperately clinging onto the dogs, the one going beserk in pain and the other almost dying from suffocation. The wife ran off again and came back with a pair of huge shears that were so heavy that her petit frame could hardly lift them! There was no way I was going to slip these shears under the dog's collar that was already so tight it was choking her to death. 

As we struggled to keep ourselves and the frantic dogs from falling into the goldfish pond, my driver turned up for work. He casually looked at us, smiled, spoke some Indonsian to the husband and wife and walked off! He re-appeared after about 5 minutes with a pair of pliers.  Oh thank god, even though my driver's English is limited to "Raining today" or "Sunny today", he had the common sense to realise that we needed a pair of pliers. As he approached the dogs with the pair of pliers, they both jumped up and magically released themselves from the tangle that they had got themselves into. When I asked the girls what had happened to them, they said they were too scared to help! This whole little episode seemed to wear me out for the rest of the day. Luckily in the afternoon, we had the good fortune to pop over to a beach destination in Bali called Sanur. We met up with my 10 year old's teacher who also used to be her teacher in Singapore and we had a lovely, relaxed afternoon looking out onto the beach and calm, blue turquoise sea.

The next day I was determined to have a good time, so we drove up to Ubud to do some Christmas shopping (living away from the UK, I have to be organised when sending back presents for Christmas). I had a romantic idea of my 3 daughters and me merrily walking the streets, admiring the little boutique shops and happily buying presents. We arrived and parked in Ubud at 11.15am, five minutes later my 5 year old started complaining about how far she had walked in the heat. The sun was beating down and the pavements in Ubud are pot-holed, broken and totally uneven, so it was like climbing a series of mini mountains for my youngest daughter. My two older girls started to complain too and wanted to stop for lunch. So we stopped for early lunch at 11.30am and abandoned our early Christmas shopping plans. Fortunately we were in Ubud for another reason, where I could kick 'Plan B' into action and after a surprisingly enjoyable, complaint free lunch, we drove off to find our friends who also used to live in Singapore and now lived just outside Ubud.  My friend, Louise, told me that we should drive straight, pass the big temple and we would easily see the sign for their place. She failed to tell me how many temples there were before we got to the big temple!  In Bali every house has a temple and they are of all shapes and sizes. To add to this conundrum, there seemed to be many temples along the road that all looked fairly big. Every corner we turned we thought we had hit the big temple only to find yet another temple along the road. I never realised Bali had so many temples until I started looking for one big temple.

It was like trying to spot the odd one out in a Balinese procession!

As we kept on passing yet another temple, my driver very kindly pointed out to me "Many temples, Ms Janet." We continued driving and my instinct told me that we would soon bump into this big temple. I wasn't sure how big it would be, but somehow it would stand out, maybe like the Eiffel Tower, although the further along the road we drove, the more rural it seemed to get.
Suddenly we saw a different coloured temple that was made of dark grey marble which had a sign with gold engraving on it. We had made it and shortly afterwards saw Louise's daughter waiting out on the road for us. We had a great time with Louise and her girls at her villa, so it was well worth observing the number of temples that do exist along a short stretch of road in Bali.

Finally, at the end of an entertaining week, after putting my tired girls to bed, I started to switch off all the lights downstairs when I noticed the cat and dogs on high alert. The dogs were barking at something in the kitchen and the cat was in her 'ready, aim, pounce' position. Curiously, I leaned forward to see what was going on and was startled to see a medium sized rat (or extra large mouse), with one very long tail, squealing and sitting up on its back legs as it perched on our kitchen stool! In the dim light, the shadow of the rat almost looked cute, like a squirrel without a bushy tail. I quickly came to my senses and reminded myself that this was not another pet in our household, but unwanted vermin that was hanging around my kitchen. For a short moment, I wondered whether I should search the house for a large spade and attempt to kill this unwelcome visitor. Instead, I decided to leave them all to it and just retired to my bedroom exhausted and hoping that the rat wouldn't look for solace where I was!

Although I could have easily filled my time with work, I was glad I made the time to be 'Mum' and value the adventures, memories and life's lessons that my girls and I experienced together during their half term.

As the wonderful and wise French novelist, Honore de Balzac quoted:

"A mother's happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future, but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories."

Being 'Mum', although exhausting at times, has rewards that far outweigh being anybody else and brings lots of happiness.

Janet

For information about NoLimits personal and professional development, coaching and recruitment services, contact www.nolimitsasia.com info@nolimitsasia.com +65 6232 2466

The Gods Are On My Side!

 

After being immobilised by a mass of Balinese worshippers, luck seems to have been on my side. Either these kind people put a good word in for a harassed looking ex-patriate woman, noticing that I desperately needed help or it could have been to do with my visit to the Goa Gajah in Ubud, alternatively known as Elephant Cave which is thought to have been a hermitage for eleventh-century Hindu priests. Maybe the spirit of an eleventh-century priest took pity on me? Who knows? Whoever or whatever caused this fortunate intervention in my life, has given me hope that no matter what obstacles or challenges may present themselves, we can be grateful for what we do have and be even more grateful when things do go our way.

My first stroke of luck was by booking a KLM flight to Singapore (they are currently offering a great deal). Normally I fly back and fore on the budget airlines which, during the peak times, feels like I've jumped on an over-crowded bus that happens to fly in the air rather than drive on the ground. At times, I also feel a little ripped off, such as when I'm thirsty, I'm forced to pay US$3.00 for a bottle of water when it costs less than US$1.00 in the supermarket and I can't even take my own water on the plane due to security reasons. On the KLM flight, however, I was given water for 'free' and I didn't have to worry about scraping together enough Indonesian rupiah to pay for it! I must have been the source of amusement to other KLM passengers. I felt so privileged and excited to be in economy class, I couldn't stop smiling. I was so grateful for the headphones, the stewardess looked at me peculiarly, like I had appeared from the caveman ages. I hurriedly put on my headphones and selected a nice, romantic movie 'Letters to Juliet'. What a treat! I had no children and no husband to dictate my movie selection. A warning appeared on the screen to let me know that there wasn't enough time to watch the whole film on the flight. I didn't mind in the slightest, the thrill of having a TV screen far outweighed not being able to see the end of the film. The smell of hot bread rolls, drove my taste buds into an instant salivation delight and the prospect of selecting wine to accompany my dinner, seemed too good to be true, so I politely asked for water instead and afterwards kicked myself for not having been bold enough to ask for some wine. The spicy, stodgy noodles delivered to me were a bit of a disappointment, but I optimistically told myself that the food would be much better on my return because the food would be prepared in Singapore rather than Bali. There were mainly Europeans on the flight on their way back home from Bali via a quick stopover in Singapore. I was enjoying my experience so much I wanted to stay on board with them rather than alight in Singapore.

My second stroke of luck was the next day, when I ventured out in Singapore first thing in the morning. I was still smiling from having flown economy rather than budget, the sun was shining and I was on my way to catch up with my long standing French hairdresser Davieeeeeeed (this is how he pronounces his name David and he calls me Janeeeeeeeete which I absolutely adore and makes my knees quiver). En route, I noticed how serious the workers looked in Singapore as they marched to their offices and must admit that I missed the smiling faces of the Balinese
people. Fortunately for me, my hairdresser who usually only cuts my hair, highlighted my hair this time and we spent 3 hours having a wonderful chat comparing the pros and cons of Bali and Singapore.  In the evening I presented to a group of Swedish business professionals and was mistaken for being Swedish! My cover was broken when I couldn't respond to them in Swedish. I was flattered by this compliment and can only assume that they made this mistake because I had my hair highlighted that morning!

My third stroke of luck was on my return to Bali.  Sandra, our Office Manager in Singapore asked if I would like her to try to check in on-line for me and then she could get me a seat at the front of the plane. On the way back to Bali, it always makes sense to sit as close to the front of the plane as possible to get ahead of the long queues of people who quickly congregate and at a snail's pace make their way through the painstaking immigration process. If I can get to the front of the plane, I can cut down my queuing time by at least an hour! When I arrived at the check-in desk, the assistant attached a 'priority' label to my luggage. I thought this as rather kind of her and assumed that she had done this because the plane would be carrying on to a further destination beyond Bali. She then asked me where my return ticket to Singapore was, looked at me suspiciously and sent me over to another desk where I had to quene up again and report to an official looking man. Not being amused about having to queue once again, I pompously explained that I have a villa in Bali as well as a place in Singapore! The officials apologised and allowed me through as a frequent traveller. Rather than the free for all, rugby scrum to the plane, KLM uses a more civilised and orderly approach. They allow you on the plane according to seating order, so after Business Class, people with disabilities and parents with young families, the back of the plane goes first, followed by the middle and front of economy class. I looked at my seat number and it said '2F'. How convenient, Sandra must have placed me at the front of the plane after all. I waited for my seat number to be shouted out, but they seemed to forget about my row, so I assertively made my way forward and joined the long queue onto the plane. The Dutch cabin crew laughed and joked with me that I would eventually get a seat, even if it meant sitting on somebody's lap. I laughed and joked back that at least I would be sitting on top of the long queue.  As I walked through the Business Class section, I could see a blonde, young air stewardess handing out red and bright blue alcoholic cocktails to the passengers. While wondering what these drinks consisted of, I saw two young Asian females laughing and excitedly taking photos of themselves holding up their cocktails with glee and looking as if they had never travelled Business Class before. Well I was excited to be flying economy compared to the budget airlines. When I walked into the economy section, I panicked as the seat numbers started from number 10. I quickly doubled back against the crowd of passengers who were still wading their way down the ailes and I asked an air stewardess what had happened to my number. She sent me in the direction of Business Class!  I couldn't believe my luck, the nitpicky check-in assistant wasn't so nitpicky after all. This kind woman had given me a seat in Business Class! No wonder my baggage was given a priority label. I was treated to a first class meal of salmon and dill appetizer, garouper fish, organic carrots and new potatoes as my main meal and a blackcurrant desert. All this was delivered on porcelain plates and with a real knife and fork. I was given a vanity bag with an eye mask, toothpaste, socks and lip salve and at the end of the journey was given a quaint little porcelain, blue and white Dutch house. The toilets had anti-deodorant, handcream and facial moisturising cream - I used the whole lot and smelt absolutely wonderful which was more than could be said about my neighbour who had B.O. and snored like a fog horn. Oh well you can't win them all, but I did manage to drown out the snoring with my headphones and the fragrant smells of the lotions from the washroom created a protective ring around me which seemed to repel the smell of the guy sitting next to me. This was my first experience of KLM and a very pleasant experience it was. I was very grateful indeed and will remember to count my blessings.

'When I started counting my blessings my whole life turned around." 
Willie Nelson

Janet

Enjoy discovering how to turn your life around on our intensive 7 day NLP programme in Bali this Nov 28 - Dec 4 NoLimits NLP 
www.nolimitsasia.com