The Gods Are On My Side!

 

After being immobilised by a mass of Balinese worshippers, luck seems to have been on my side. Either these kind people put a good word in for a harassed looking ex-patriate woman, noticing that I desperately needed help or it could have been to do with my visit to the Goa Gajah in Ubud, alternatively known as Elephant Cave which is thought to have been a hermitage for eleventh-century Hindu priests. Maybe the spirit of an eleventh-century priest took pity on me? Who knows? Whoever or whatever caused this fortunate intervention in my life, has given me hope that no matter what obstacles or challenges may present themselves, we can be grateful for what we do have and be even more grateful when things do go our way.

My first stroke of luck was by booking a KLM flight to Singapore (they are currently offering a great deal). Normally I fly back and fore on the budget airlines which, during the peak times, feels like I've jumped on an over-crowded bus that happens to fly in the air rather than drive on the ground. At times, I also feel a little ripped off, such as when I'm thirsty, I'm forced to pay US$3.00 for a bottle of water when it costs less than US$1.00 in the supermarket and I can't even take my own water on the plane due to security reasons. On the KLM flight, however, I was given water for 'free' and I didn't have to worry about scraping together enough Indonesian rupiah to pay for it! I must have been the source of amusement to other KLM passengers. I felt so privileged and excited to be in economy class, I couldn't stop smiling. I was so grateful for the headphones, the stewardess looked at me peculiarly, like I had appeared from the caveman ages. I hurriedly put on my headphones and selected a nice, romantic movie 'Letters to Juliet'. What a treat! I had no children and no husband to dictate my movie selection. A warning appeared on the screen to let me know that there wasn't enough time to watch the whole film on the flight. I didn't mind in the slightest, the thrill of having a TV screen far outweighed not being able to see the end of the film. The smell of hot bread rolls, drove my taste buds into an instant salivation delight and the prospect of selecting wine to accompany my dinner, seemed too good to be true, so I politely asked for water instead and afterwards kicked myself for not having been bold enough to ask for some wine. The spicy, stodgy noodles delivered to me were a bit of a disappointment, but I optimistically told myself that the food would be much better on my return because the food would be prepared in Singapore rather than Bali. There were mainly Europeans on the flight on their way back home from Bali via a quick stopover in Singapore. I was enjoying my experience so much I wanted to stay on board with them rather than alight in Singapore.

My second stroke of luck was the next day, when I ventured out in Singapore first thing in the morning. I was still smiling from having flown economy rather than budget, the sun was shining and I was on my way to catch up with my long standing French hairdresser Davieeeeeeed (this is how he pronounces his name David and he calls me Janeeeeeeeete which I absolutely adore and makes my knees quiver). En route, I noticed how serious the workers looked in Singapore as they marched to their offices and must admit that I missed the smiling faces of the Balinese
people. Fortunately for me, my hairdresser who usually only cuts my hair, highlighted my hair this time and we spent 3 hours having a wonderful chat comparing the pros and cons of Bali and Singapore.  In the evening I presented to a group of Swedish business professionals and was mistaken for being Swedish! My cover was broken when I couldn't respond to them in Swedish. I was flattered by this compliment and can only assume that they made this mistake because I had my hair highlighted that morning!

My third stroke of luck was on my return to Bali.  Sandra, our Office Manager in Singapore asked if I would like her to try to check in on-line for me and then she could get me a seat at the front of the plane. On the way back to Bali, it always makes sense to sit as close to the front of the plane as possible to get ahead of the long queues of people who quickly congregate and at a snail's pace make their way through the painstaking immigration process. If I can get to the front of the plane, I can cut down my queuing time by at least an hour! When I arrived at the check-in desk, the assistant attached a 'priority' label to my luggage. I thought this as rather kind of her and assumed that she had done this because the plane would be carrying on to a further destination beyond Bali. She then asked me where my return ticket to Singapore was, looked at me suspiciously and sent me over to another desk where I had to quene up again and report to an official looking man. Not being amused about having to queue once again, I pompously explained that I have a villa in Bali as well as a place in Singapore! The officials apologised and allowed me through as a frequent traveller. Rather than the free for all, rugby scrum to the plane, KLM uses a more civilised and orderly approach. They allow you on the plane according to seating order, so after Business Class, people with disabilities and parents with young families, the back of the plane goes first, followed by the middle and front of economy class. I looked at my seat number and it said '2F'. How convenient, Sandra must have placed me at the front of the plane after all. I waited for my seat number to be shouted out, but they seemed to forget about my row, so I assertively made my way forward and joined the long queue onto the plane. The Dutch cabin crew laughed and joked with me that I would eventually get a seat, even if it meant sitting on somebody's lap. I laughed and joked back that at least I would be sitting on top of the long queue.  As I walked through the Business Class section, I could see a blonde, young air stewardess handing out red and bright blue alcoholic cocktails to the passengers. While wondering what these drinks consisted of, I saw two young Asian females laughing and excitedly taking photos of themselves holding up their cocktails with glee and looking as if they had never travelled Business Class before. Well I was excited to be flying economy compared to the budget airlines. When I walked into the economy section, I panicked as the seat numbers started from number 10. I quickly doubled back against the crowd of passengers who were still wading their way down the ailes and I asked an air stewardess what had happened to my number. She sent me in the direction of Business Class!  I couldn't believe my luck, the nitpicky check-in assistant wasn't so nitpicky after all. This kind woman had given me a seat in Business Class! No wonder my baggage was given a priority label. I was treated to a first class meal of salmon and dill appetizer, garouper fish, organic carrots and new potatoes as my main meal and a blackcurrant desert. All this was delivered on porcelain plates and with a real knife and fork. I was given a vanity bag with an eye mask, toothpaste, socks and lip salve and at the end of the journey was given a quaint little porcelain, blue and white Dutch house. The toilets had anti-deodorant, handcream and facial moisturising cream - I used the whole lot and smelt absolutely wonderful which was more than could be said about my neighbour who had B.O. and snored like a fog horn. Oh well you can't win them all, but I did manage to drown out the snoring with my headphones and the fragrant smells of the lotions from the washroom created a protective ring around me which seemed to repel the smell of the guy sitting next to me. This was my first experience of KLM and a very pleasant experience it was. I was very grateful indeed and will remember to count my blessings.

'When I started counting my blessings my whole life turned around." 
Willie Nelson

Janet

Enjoy discovering how to turn your life around on our intensive 7 day NLP programme in Bali this Nov 28 - Dec 4 NoLimits NLP 
www.nolimitsasia.com  

Who is Right?

After having spent the week before last in Singapore, last week I spent the whole week in Bali. Apart from both countries being located in Asia, they are poles apart, like positive is to negative. As usual, Bali tested my urbanised, 'I'm right' ways and I learnt some lessons along the way......

We have a driver who usually takes our girls back and fore to school. For the first three days of last week he was unable to do this as his wife had taken ill, so it was over to me to drive the girls to school and pick them up again. At first it was quite a novelty driving the 40 minute ride across the Balinese countryside; through a chaotic town where it seemed more akin to being a gladiator charging into a ring, rather than driving across the busy junctions (as the traffic is endless, the only way to get across is to nudge your way through. Miraculously, the barrage of motorbike, lorry and car drivers amazingly just seem to let you through without any aggressive beeping of horns or acts of revenge!); and right through to yet more Balinese rice fields, potholes and deep into the jungle where the Green School is situated.

What's interesting about driving in Bali is that I seem to spend most of the time on the other side of the road and I barely get beyond third gear! While dicing with death, to overtake the stream of motorbikes, chugging trucks, vehicles (if you can call some of them this) that are driving at a snail's pace, as if they have all the time in the world (and they most probably do), and the odd ancient tourist bus converting most of its diesel fuel into puffs of smoke in the air, it's like virtual driving on a computer game which has unexpected obstacles that pop up from nowhere.

It was Day 3 of driving the girls back and fore to school and the novelty of pretending to be Formula One driver, Schumacher, on the Bali roads was wearing thin.  By the time I had dropped off the girls, returned home to do some work, back again to school to pick up the girls and back home, I was spending 4 hours of my day commuting and picking up / dropping off the girls!  The final straw to test my patience was when I had to drive up a bank to avoid running over a group of kneeling women who were giving offerings across the junction of a main road (you'd be arrested for causing an obstruction in other countries) and twenty minutes later, my car was suddenly immobilised when I drove into a group of worshippers who engulfed my car like a swarm of bees. As this dense mass of contented, smiling people surrounded my car while singing, creating a din with their drums and merrily ambling along the road, they showed absolutely no concern about causing a delay for me whatsoever. Initially, I felt a pang of annoyance and said to myself 'no wonder nothing gets done in this country!' Gradually, as I stood stationary with nothing else to do but look at these happy, care-free people, I couldn't help but smile. According to my map of the world, I should be able to drive along the road and get to my destination on time. According to their map of the world, it was perfectly acceptable to bring the traffic to a standstill and cause a major bout of congestion. Who was right?  Neither of us really, as there is no right answer and yet by respecting their map of the world (after all I was in their country), I was able to quickly change my perspective and avoid getting stressed about this whole situation I had found myself in.

When I returned home that evening, my attention was drawn to a frame on my wall. It says:-

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste and remember what peace there may be in silence,
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself to others you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself, especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of years gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture this strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are the child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be; and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
Max Ehrmann 1927 

What can you do more of to respect other people's map of the world? How will it cause less stress if you do?


As well as respecting other people's map of the world, these Balinese people taught me to remember to smile. As Phyllis Diller says:-

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."


Remember to smile and your map of the world will change for the better.


Janet
Discover more about understanding maps of the world on our intensive 7 day NLP programme in Bali this Nov 28 - Dec 4 NoLimits NLP 
www.nolimitsasia.com 

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

While attempting to do my early morning walk/jog (more like walk) last week, I was pursued hot on the heels by a pack of undernourished, mangy looking, yapping and some snarling Bali dogs who attempted to fight my two innocent, timid, well-fed and posh looking Bali dogs; I slid a few times on the gravel that was used as a permanent solution to fill some of the crater like pot holes (won't be long before those massive holes start re-appearing); and I received continuous accolades from the stream of passersby on their motorbikes who beeped and used the universal language of jeering as they overtook me. I wasn't sure whether this was in support of my mission of getting fit and at the same time looking great on the road, or that the jeers were in jest, but I decided to go with the former option. I had hoped to be inconspicuous by wearing dark sunglasses and a cap that I pulled down over my face, so I could hardly see anyone, but my pale white skin must have blinded them and stood out, like a flash of lightening in a dark sky!

While carrying on with my mission of getting fit, in spite of my dogs nervously jumping all over the place and nearly tripping me up on several occasions, my IPOD started playing U2's song 'I still haven't found what I'm looking For'. Quite an appropriate song really. While encountering the obstacles of simply going for a walk/jog in the Balinese countryside, I started wondering "Is this really what I'm looking for?"!

The theme of this U2 song continued when I went on a business trip to Singapore. Mid week, I ran a team development session with a CEO and her senior leaders. I ran an activity to discover their values and over half the group were looking for a better work/life balance. Not a huge surprise really when these people are working in the modern world of crackberries, emails and instant communication.  Technology was supposed to make us more efficient. Instead it's allowed us to do even more work, at any time and any place!

The priority of our values can change in order, depending on whether we feel we are obtaining what is important to us and if we compromise our values, we will feel conflict. To find what we are looking for, it's good to know what is important to us.

If we feel that our work/life balance is being compromised, it's best to do something proactive to resolve this conflict. When it comes to work/life balance, I've now learned that for me it's not a case of finishing work at 5pm. I'd rather call it work/life values, so I know what to focus on at the time. When I'm working, I choose to focus on my work and when I'm with my family I choose to be in the moment with them. As Oprah Winfrey says:-

"I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time."

If I still haven't found what I'm looking for, then I can listen to what the feedback is telling me and do something about it. What can you do so that your values are not in conflict and that you can find what you are looking for?

Janet



Establish your own work-life priorities on our intensive 7 day NLP programme in Bali this Nov 28 - Dec 4 NoLimits NLP 
www.nolimitsasia.com 

Crazy about Coconuts

Have you ever noticed if you have bought a car that suddenly the same make car appears everywhere? Or that if you have an idea, it seems to grow so that you see further connections?

After being presented with one coconut by my 10 year old daughter last week, suddenly I'm seeing coconuts everywhere! Every time we go out in the car or for a walk we see coconut trees and count how many coconuts there are and we notice the numerous coconut stalls on the sides of the road. We now have at least 8 coconuts in our kitchen lined up for consumption. My brother-in-law who is passionate about eating healthily and keeping fit and is staying with us at the moment has talked incessantly about the health benefits of coconuts. We now know how to open coconuts, have consumed gallons of coconut water (a young coconut can hold up to 1.5 litres of water), eaten the soft, gel like textured coconut flesh (very different to the hard coconut flesh in the old, shrivelled, brown coconuts), blended coconut smoothies and we add coconut oil to our cooking. My brother-in-law re-assures me that we can also use coconut oil to stop our hair going green when we use the swimming pool (a regular challenge that my family and other people with blonde hair have experienced in Bali), as a face and body oil to keep dry skin and wrinkles at bay, as a natural way to lose weight and for our energy levels to soar! It really feels like we've gone crazy about coconuts. Our Balinese staff have been so bemused at us tucking into lots of coconuts and acting as if we have struck gold when they are as common as weeds in Bali, they went home and brought us lots of free coconuts that were simply hanging from their trees.

I used to have a limited perspective about coconuts and now I have discovered a whole new world of information and experiences. It feels like I have opened a treasure chest of valuable health information about the coconut. How has all this happened? To deal with the mass of information surrounding us and avoid overloading our senses, our brains filter what is useful to us.  By focusing on coconuts, I have activated the Reticular Activating System (RAS) of the brain which sets up neural pathways for me to consciously pay attention to them. The RAS has many functions and is particularly useful when motivating ourselves to achieve our aspirations, goals and consciously focus on what we want.

Next time you have a thought, idea or goal to achieve let your RAS direct you to focus your attention. There is a caveat to be noted here, 'you have to know what you want'.  If you focus on what you don't want your RAS will filter information so that your attention is focused on this. If I don't want to be poor, my RAS will focus on this. Alternatively, if I want to be rich, the RAS will direct my attention to finding ways to do this. You can use your RAS to help you focus on your health, wealth, relationships, career, work, studies and what you want in life. If you want to focus on being a better leader, parent, partner etc your RAS will help you to focus and find ways to do this.

Visit Mark Joyner for more of his personal development brain puzzle cartoons.

In the study of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) which is focused on how to most resourcefully use our brain / neurology, there is a saying:

"Attention goes where energy flows."

What can you do to make sure your attention is focused on what you want?

To find out more about the fascinating subject of NLP, join our next Business Leaders NLP Programme in Bali in November. http://nolimits.typepad.com/nolimitsnlp/

Life's Moments to Savour

It's not every day when your child comes home from school and presents you with a fresh coconut. My 10 year old daughter proudly announced that she had found it underneath a coconut tree at the Green School and that it was a present for me. Having been brought up in the Black Mountains of Wales, where spruce trees are more the norm, I haven't got a clue how to open a freshly fallen coconut. My only recollection of coconuts in Wales was at the funfairs I used to go to as a child, where you could win a dying goldfish in a plastic bag, attempt to eat a big candy floss that would stick to your face like a spider's web and then win an ancient, shrivelled brown hairy coconut. It used to be hard enough cracking those exotic things that came from some far away place! When my daughter presented me with this green shell, it felt like being given a box of chocolates in an unbreakable safe. Like chocolate, I adore fresh coconut, but this gigantic, green, avocado shaped nut that had another nut within it and was the weight of a cannon ball, was going to be a tough one to crack. This unexpected moment did make me chuckle though and it is definitely one to remember and remind my daughter when she gets older. There are not many international schools where your child returns home with freshly fallen coconuts and so is something else to admire about the Green School!

Another couple of moments to savour over the last week have been to do with my work.  I ran a Presenting for Leaders workshop with a group of private bankers and then a team development session using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator with a bunch of lawyers from across the Asia Pacific region. Lawyers and bankers? Not necessarily renowned as perhaps the easiest groups of people to work with (apologies for this stereotyping and if you happen to be a banker or lawyer reading this). These talented people, however, turned out to be great fun to work with, highly participative and appreciative.  From both groups I received excellent feedback which was a huge boost for my morale and I was made to feel so welcome by both groups, I instantly wanted to become a banker and lawyer!. These moments of appreciation, interested participation and good feedback are what makes me enjoy my work and life even more.

The vital ingredient to making all these moments all the more enjoyable was by me being in rapport. I could have so easily carried on looking intently at my computer when my daughter presented me with a coconut at my work desk. Instead, I consciously moved away from my computer and desk and showed an interest in what my daughter had proudly brought home for me. By doing this she felt even prouder about her coconut and this made me feel good. With the group of bankers and lawyers, the vital technique again was building rapport. It was good for me to be interested and connected with them for them to be interested in me.

As Maya Angelou said:-

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Whether you are talking with a child, no matter what age, or with an adult no matter what age; whether they are your work colleagues, family or customers, it's how you make people feel that is most important. The best and only way to make you and them feel good is to be in rapport.

What can you do to build better rapport with others around you? You will notice that your communication instantly improves by taking some little extra time to be in rapport and you will be rewarded with good feelings / life moments to savour.
 
Janet

Discover more about the powerful techniques of how to be in rapport by joining our next 7 day NLP Leadership Programme NoLimits NLP

For more information about NoLimits personal and professional development, coaching and recruitment services, contact info@nolimitsasia.com +65 6232 2466