Changing Your State of Mind

Your State of Mind

This week, while working in Singapore, I've observed two interesting conversations with people, which have prompted me to remember the importance of our state of mind.

The first conversation which alerted me was when I hailed a taxi to take me to a training workshop. I told him where I was going and he asked  why I didn't take the MRT, the local underground train system! I pointed out that I had a suitcase packed with 10 heavy manuals and video camera equipment as well as my laptop, so I didn't feel like lugging a heaving load up and down the MRT's escalators. He then proceeded to ask me the usual Singapore taxi driver interrogation questions:

"Where you from?" he enquired.

"I'm from the UK." I responded.

"Ah UK. You from England ...... you like Manchester United?" asked the taxi driver. Singaporean taxi drivers are addicted to the English Premier League football, especially Manchester United and they expect all British people to be avid football fans too.

"No I don't like football." I sensed an end to this part of the conversation.

"When you go back?" the taxi driver gnarled in his Chinese, Singaporean accent.

"I've lived in Asia for over 10 years. I've lived in Singapore for 8 years." I retorted and couldn't contemplate explaining to him that I also live in Bali.

"Singapore so boring lah," the taxi driver grumbled.  

"Singapore can be exciting, you just have to make it that way." I found myself continuing to give examples and sell the excitement of Singapore to the taxi driver.

"No, it's boring. When I make money, I go Malaysia. You can drive long, long way."

Admittedly, Singapore is only a small island and you can't drive very far before you end up in the sea, but a move to Malaysia will not necessarily change the taxi driver's state of mind. He's already habituated to thinking this way. So many people wait and hope that one day their life will be more exciting when they have enough money or retire, but why wait?  We can adopt a state of mind where we can enjoy life in the now and enjoy the process of working towards our goals. We can all mind the gaps we create, simply by changing our state of mind.

My second, much more uplifting conversation was with a good Swedish friend of mine who works on a contract basis with a reputable Swedish multinational. This lady's state of mind was so different to the taxi driver. She told me how she loves her job and is so pleased to be given the role of an internal Leadership Coach. She hopes that her contract will be extended to a full-time, permanent role. The words she was using enhanced her state of mind to be resourceful and powerful.  It was inspiring and refreshing to be with this person. Her upbeat and positive state of mind was infectious. I'm sure the organisation she is currently working with will do what it can to ensure they continue to employ her, as she has such a motivated state of mind.

We can change our state of mind by changing the words we use to ourselves and the words we use with others. By changing our words we can change our thoughts. We can make washing up, doing the ironing, paying the bills, doing a boring job or living in a boring place exciting. We can even turn around our health for the better, if we apply the right state of mind.

Will the taxi driver discover excitement rather than boredom?  Does he really want to wait until he can afford to retire and live in Malaysia? Why wait if he can find excitement now, simply by changing his state of mind.

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."
Wayne Dyer - motivational speaker and author

Change your state of mind and change your life. There are no limits to what we can do.

Find out more about how to empower your own thinking by attending our NoLimits NLP Business Practitioner Certification programme this June by clicking on the NLP link on this blog.

Janet

An Excuse for Discovering a Whole New World

A Whole New World - Last night when putting my daughters to bed, they asked "When are we having more visitors?" After having two months of non-stop visitors, I was quite happy to say never again!  Instead I curiously asked why they wanted more visitors. "We do so many fun things when visitors stay," was their reply.

My daughters' comment did make me step back and think that they were right. Despite my panic attacks about having enough bread, butter, eggs and toilet roll and the constant stream of checking in and out new family members and friends,  they did prompt us to do things that we otherwise may have thought 'we'll do tomorrow.' We can get so caught up in the 'merry-go-round' of life, we can forget to do new things. Our friends and family were the perfect excuse for us to discover a whole new world...




Since having friends and family visit us we have tried out surfing (it's much harder than what it looks); driving a four hour journey north west to the West Bali National Park and snorkelling among rainbow coloured, tropical fish;......



 

......driving and walking in the central mountain and lake area of Bedugul; staying overnight in the cooler mountain location of Munduk; watching the early morning antics of a group of wild dolphins in the Java sea; discovering how pearls are farmed;....

....driving through beautiful, stepped rice fields that look like green, organic amphitheartres; stopping off and trying to make ourselves understood at the local warungs (cafes) for refreshments and snacks;.....

......discovering delicious, healthy eating places;  receiving a very warm welcome by the Italian owners of the Bali EcoVillage, where all the buildings are constructed out of bamboo and recycled materials; walking in the green, tropical countryside to cool, refreshing waterfalls; swinging from a rope and diving into the fast flowing Ayung river; shopping in Ubud, Seminyak and at Denpasar market, and doing yet more shopping in strange, off the beaten track places;....





.......feeding elephants; swimming in the sea off Legian beach, finding ourselves caught out in a tropical rainstorm and getting refused entry to La Lucciola, the 'in' place to be;......

.......and staying in East Bali at Life in Amed, a very welcoming boutique hotel that is owned and run by my good friend Sarah Laight, where she bought and roasted a local pig for us to feast on and my father, who is a butcher, demonstrated how to cut him up - poor pig ...... I couldn't bear to see his face and then eat him so I had Sarah's tasty vegetarian burger instead!

Our friends and family have been amazed at the sights, sounds, smells and unique experiences of Bali. Some unexpected, some very unusual and some in total awe. We have laughed and laughed until as my friend Fiona said, "I feel like a have a six pack from laughing."

Family and friends can be a source of enrichment for all of us, if we choose to make it this way. Take time to value these special people.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
Anaïs Nin, author.

Enjoy family, friends and new ones too.

Janet

Stuck in the Mud 2

Stuck in the Mud 2 
Have you ever had one of those 'deja-vu' moments, where you feel you've been here before? Just like in the movie 'Ground Hog Day', where weatherman Bill Murray finds himself repeating the same day over and over again, you find yourself making the same mistake and repeating that same 'old' situation.

This happened to me last night, when I took my friends from the UK with my family to our local eating place at Echo Beach. It had been raining solidly for two days in Bali and was the typical, tropical, torrential rain that turns dry volcanic sand into sludgy mud. It did occur to me as I was driving towards the so-called 'car park' whether I should park somewhere different to the last time when we got 'stuck in the mud'. I managed to brush off this feeling of uncertainty and convince myself,  "It will be alright. It's me driving this time and not my husband."

There were eight of us, three adults and five children in my seven seater toyota 'toy' car, so we were fairly heavy and jam packed at the back end. We looked rather like one of those buses in India, where you get people squeezed on board, their faces up against the windows, and their bodies contorted in funny positions to fit in. It was dark and I only had the light from my headlights to direct me. I decided to avoid the spot where my husband got stuck the last time, as that would be stupid of me to do exactly the same thing. I also decided to reverse, so we were all ready for when we left. There was no overhead lighting to guide me and my car seemed to be lacking a reversing light, so I had to trust my judgement or more accurately my luck.

It wasn't a good idea to trust my luck. As I reversed, the tyres skidded over some bumpy bits (not unusual in Bali) and then we suddenly bottomed out into an unexpected dip. I felt a familiar emotional and physical sinking feeling and immediately reacted in a John McEnroe 'you can not be serious' way. I was in total denial that this could be happening to me again and with 'responsible' me driving.The only difference this time was that we hadn't already eaten dinner.

"Everybody out," I shouted, "I'm sure we'll be fine if there's not too much weight in the car."

I carefully revved the engine, hoping that the gentle acceleration would simply lift the car out of the mud. No such luck. The car was as stuck as a fly in a Venus Flytrap.

"Shall I have a go Janet?" suggested Chris, my friend's husband, "I've done this many times in the snow this year in the UK!" he exclaimed.

Chris gently revved the engine. He tried to drive forward but nothing happened, so he attempted to reverse the car out of the mud but still nothing happened. After about ten minutes of gentle persuasion Chris gave up.

"I can't believe we paid for this car park to get stuck in the mud! And there's nobody around to help." Chris grumbled as though this would never happen in the UK. Within two seconds of him saying this, a security guard magically appeared and offered to jump in the driving seat. I remembered vividly how the security guard on the previous occasion, revved the engine so hard that puffs of smoke billowed into the air, burning rubber smells hit our senses and the car got further wedged into the mud. I knowingly declined his kind offer.

"I'll call the car hire company to tow us out again." I declared. Having been through this 'sticky' predicament before, I knew exactly what to do.

As there was nothing else to do but wait, we locked the car and went for our dinner at the Beach House. While we were eating, I received a text telling me that Moses from the car hire company was on his way to help us.

"We'll be ok somebody called Moses is coming to our rescue," I re-assured our UK friends.
"Will he part the mud for us?" My friend, Fiona, chuckled.
"With a name like Moses, I'm sure he'll sort us out," I laughed.

Moses called me on my mobile phone. I couldn't understand a word he was saying. I started speaking in one of those stacatto, robotic voices.
"You in car park now?" I shouted as if he was deaf.
I couldn't understand what his response was, the line was all muffled, like he was calling from under the sea. I optimistically hoped he had said 'yes'.
"Ah good. I go car park NOW," I replied with heavy emphasis on the NOW.
Chris volunteered to join me. We walked to the car park but nobody was there. A local Balinese man plodded his way towards us on his little motorbike. I hoped he wasn't Moses, as this little guy certainly would have to part the mud to make any difference.  Luckily he didn't stop.
"I think he must have said he's on his way. Let's go back and finish off our dinner." I suggested to Chris.

Thirty minutes later, I received a text saying, "I come." I assumed that Moses was in the car park and walked towards the car. There was a group of six young Balinese lads looking curiously at the front of the car. They were trying to find a place where they could hitch the rope, but didn't seem to be making much progress. I walked up to the young lads and a slim Balinese guy with spiky hair introduced himself to me as Moses.

After about ten minutes of in-depth discussion, Moses jumped in the driver's seat and started to gently rev the car.  The five other lads started pushing the car. Mud splashed all over the place, the engine made it's familiar whirring, sloshing around sound. With no positive response from the car, Moses suddenly turned into 'Lewis Hamilton' and slammed his foot hard on the accelerator. Fumes of smoke lighted up the sky and the car rebelled as it slipped and swerved around in the mud. At this stage, as I gazed at the frenzied fiasco,  I wondered if we were going to end up in exactly the same position as the last time we got stuck in the mud. Perhaps even more stuck this time.

Deciding that this was not working, the young lads changed tack. Moses started to rev up the car in reverse mode. After much spitting and groaning, the car reluctantly moved. Hurray, Moses had done it! We were free to go home. I gave a tip to Moses and his friends, gathered everybody into the car, and arrived back at our villa, with a used to be black, but now chocolate brown car, that looked as though it had been dipped in a mud fondue.


What did I learn from this life lesson? Samuel Beckett said "Try again. Fail again. Fail better". I believe I failed better this time, as we could sit and eat dinner while waiting to be rescued and it didn't take so long to sort out. A much more civilised way to get stuck in the mud!


Janet

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED - "You can't get anywhere unless you're willing to take a risk." This proverb dates all the way back to 1374 by Chaucer, English author, poet and philosopher and is still as relevant as ever.

Recently, I've had conversations with people in organisations, who feel trapped on the corporate treadmill and say "This isn't what I signed up to do." Do you ever have moments like this in life? I even had a complete stranger eavesdrop on one of my business conversations in Starbucks last week and she started telling me how dissatisfied she was with the way in which corporate organisations suck every drop of energy out of you, and how you end up working around the clock until you forget that you have an identity outside of the organisation.

This got me thinking and reminded me of the days when I commuted and worked in London for 10 years, sometimes feeling like I was on the proverbial treadmill. We may feel we have no choice whether we signed up to something or not. We have responsibilities of mortgages, families, financial commitments, wanting to keep up with the latest electronic gadgets, lifestyle etc. So we think we have no choice but to keep doing what we're doing. We start to accept that we have no choice and do not question ourselves or others. We start to accept the status quo as it is. We may whinge and complain a little or greatly depending on what we have signed up or not signed up to do. We may end up feeling that's the way it has to be. So we get caught up with our routines and repeat the same old habits, putting up with what we have to put up with for 'now' in our own minds, which often translates into for 'all our working life'. We fool ourselves into believing that we have no choice.

We do have a choice.

• Firstly, we can choose what words we use to ourselves. I used to work in Human Resources and gave myself the label of 'fire-fighter', always extinguishing fires. This became my identity and my way of working - stressed! I would have felt far better about myself if I had used words like consultant, advisor or facilitator.
• Secondly, we can come up with solutions ourselves. We don't have to accept that this is the way it has to be. We don't have to wait for somebody or something else to give us a solution. We have the choice to do this ourselves.
• Thirdly, we can make suggestions to our stakeholders or boss, and approach these people with solutions rather than problems.

What can you do to achieve what you want? What solutions can you come up with? Who can you talk to and influence, so you do what you have signed up to do?


There's always a choice:-

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." 
                   J.K. Rowling 










What choices can you make? Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Janet

A Cunning Plan

I have a cunning plan ......

"It's as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University." Baldrick from the Black Adder British TV series.

This last week has been a whirlwind of events. Guests staying, new guests arriving and playing musical beds as we move around to make room for everybody, my daughter's 5th birthday party, flying into Singapore to work for two days, and flying back to Bali to welcome a batch of new guests, a family of four flying in from the UK.

 

My mind has been flying around in all directions from: marketing our next Business NLP programme in Bali; preparing for and running coaching sessions; attending business meetings in Singapore; interviewing for a new business development role in our Singapore NoLimits team; setting up a new Executive Search division of NoLimits; to planning whether we have enough pillows, bedlinen, plates, glasses, knives and forks for our avalanche of guests; helping my daughters with their homework; organising party food, games and party bags for my daughter's birthday party and what are we going to feed all our guests with?! My mind could have easily exploded with such an overload of information.

The only way to navigate such busy times is to:

• Have an overall plan with actions and write it down.
• Follow the plan one step at a time.
• Enjoy the process rather than just focusing on the destination.
• Celebrate success.

I'm amazed at how easily these 4 simple steps worked for me on Saturday, the day of my daugther's 5th birthday party. As I was running such a tight ship, I found myself returning from the supermarket two hours before the party was due to start (I'm still getting used to how long it takes to get things done in Bali). At this stage, no food had been cooked, all the furniture needed moving around to accommodate for the onslaught of 4 and 5 year olds running around our home, and the schedule of party games still had to be agreed.

Luckily I had a cunning plan! I had already written down what we were going to eat for the party and my 9 year old daughter had written a list of party games, so all we needed was agreement, delegation of tasks and focus. My whole family had a role to play. We all agreed our plan of action and had completed all our tasks within half an hour of our first party guests arriving. Apart from a few glass breakages, the party ran smoothly. We enjoyed the process and celebrated our success as a family by sitting down after the party to watch 'Alvin and the Chipmunks 2'!

As the famous proverb says: "Failing to plan is planning to fail."

What can you plan to ensure you're not drowning in the 'busy-ness' of everyday life?

What can a cunning plan do for you?

Janet